Roundtable
The Roundtable Open Forum: Round Six
EDITOR
The Rules of the forum are posted here on the right, and need to be followed strictly by all participants.
The following is this week's (Dec 9 - 15, 2009) topic for discussion, which should focus on the questions posed therein:
CHRISTMAS: Santa Claus or Santa Singh!
THE FACTS
1 It's that time of the year again. Here in the West, for weeks before Christmas day, we get swamped by - no, not by anything to do with Christ or his teachings - an all-pervasive, all-powerful onslaught by the corporate world to buy, buy, buy: mostly useless things which no one ever needs or will ever use! The otherwise beautiful idea of giving gifts has been transformed into an obligation, and the validity of its performance is gauged by quantity rather than quality, by the decible-level of kitsch rather than by the spirit of sharing.
2 It is a month-long assault - and it gets longer every year, as North American businesses get even more desperate in the current economy - on our senses, and it is so loud that it is almost impossible to not give in. Because it is primarily directed towards the children - your children, our children - for they are the ideal consumers. Their voices join the growing din of "Buy, buy, buy!"
3 The damage done to society is two-fold: first, the glorification of consumerism becomes part of the growing generations' DNA; and, secondly, a festive season which is couched in religious terms then becomes the norm for how a high holiday - any high holiday - should be celebrated!
4 Parents in other faiths - including Sikhs - then struggle how to handle this all-enveloping miasma of commercialism, without appearing to be anti-Christian or parochial, and without making the children feel deprived in any way.
5 The Jewish community has grappled with the dilemma in a unique way: it resuscitated a relatively minor celebration which generally falls within the same season, and have magnified its celebration so as to counter the influence of Christmas during that time. Spread over eight days, Hanukkah has, to a limited extent, managed to do the needful for Jewish parents.
QUESTIONS TO PONDER
- How does Christmas effect you and your Sikh household? Do you feel any pressure? From your children? Friends? Neighbours? Co-workers?
- Does it pose any difficulty for you? How do you grapple with it?
- Do you exchange gifts at home? With your friends and neighbours? With your colleagues at work? With other Sikhs?
- What do your children do at Christmas? At school? At home? During the holidays? On Christmas day?
- Do your younger children treat it differently than the older ones? What do the younger ones do as they grow older and more mature?
- Do you have a Christmas tree at home? Do you have a Christmas dinner on December 24 or 25?
- What do you do during the Christmas holidays? What do you do on Christmas day?
- Has it changed the way you celebrate Gurpurabs - especially the birthday Gurpurab of Guru Gobind Singh, which falls within the same season?
- How do you think the Sikh community - Sikh parents in particular - should deal with Christmas?
Conversation about this article
1: I.J. Singh (New York, U.S.A.), December 08, 2009, 6:22 PM.
Two matters come to mind: We Sikhs often bemoan the fact that for 500 years we have existed in India in the boa constrictor's embrace of Hinduism and traditional Indian (Hindu) mythology and world view. And that mixture has diminished and corrupted the pristine purity of Sikh teaching. True. But we have to think that now we are in a different world. We have been in the Western world of Judeo-Christian world view for over a hundred years but its impact and intimacy are relatively new to us. If Hinduism affected us in India, will Judeo-Christan practices influence our practices now? This is not an issue for which we need to look to Punjabi and Indian institutions for they cannot help us, but we do need to develop our own institutions and thinking to explore this. The second matter is something that happened about thirty years ago when our community was indeed small. My three year old daughter wanted a Christmas tree and I installed one - but decorated it with markers of all religions that I could find with a foil-covered cardboard replica of a Khanda atop it.
2: Raj (Canada), December 08, 2009, 11:47 PM.
This is interesting. Just last weekend we were putting up our christmas tree. Actually, way back, we started calling it "Khanda Tree", and for the same reason, we made a Khanda on the star. Our family is a practicing Sikh family. We used to go to Christmas concerts where my kids played Indian musical instruments. We used every stage to promote our culture under the name of Christmas. We bought our kids presents at Christmas, Vaisakhi and Gurpurabs. We participate in exchange of gifts at work, we go to Christmas dinners. The more you participate, the more you promote your religion. You should see what happens when I bring samosas for the 12 days of Christmas. You have to participate in everything as long as it doesn't compromise your beliefs.
3: Lara Singh (Utah, U.S.A.), December 09, 2009, 10:26 AM.
We encourage our kids to exchange gifts with their Christian friends. We too do so with our Christian friends, neighbours and co-workers. And, yes, we also give gifts to our children. BUT, we call them Gurpurab gifts, citing Guru Gobind Singh ji's birthday. We explain this to our children and to all others who care to know. And it works! No one feels left out or deprived or offended!
4: Surjit Singh, Ajit Kaur (Calgary, Canada), December 09, 2009, 10:32 AM.
We too worry about the heightened consumerism - a concern shared by many of our Christian friends as well. So, we put a lid on the number and value of gifts going around. Furthermore, we encourage our children to make the gifts, and not buy them. And, of course, all of this is done in our home as a Gurpurab activity, while fully respecting Christian celebrations. We have explained to our children that they have THEIR celebrations, WE have ours. And a good time is had by all.
5: Nitin Singh (Los Angeles, California, U.S.A.), December 09, 2009, 11:29 AM.
Our family has always spent Christmas evening at the gurdwara, followed by langar. That is what we did when we were growing up, and that's what we do now with our children.
6: Sandeep Singh Brar (Toronto, Ontario, Canada), December 09, 2009, 12:06 PM.
I have pretty sad childhood memories of Christmas. We used to live on a farm in Kenya and as a child I attended a farm school of mainly British European children from the area farms. I remember at around age five or six, being so excited about Christmas due to the stories the teacher read to us and the excitement of all the European children in my class. On Christmas Eve at night time I excitedly hung up one of my socks on our clothes-line and scanned the starry sky for any signs of Santa and his sleigh crossing the equator above our farm. I did not tell my parents about the socks, but in the morning I was so excited as I ran out to check my socks, expecting to find a present but instead finding nothing but empty socks hanging on the clothes-line. I was heartbroken and still remember by disappointment to this day. When I moved to Canada at age secven, things continued to get worse. Even though I attended a public school I was the only bronze kid in my school and we still had to recite the lord's prayer every morning and listen to bible stories on the morning announcements and listen to all the christmas hype from teachers and classmates. Returning to school after the christmas holidays used to be the worst time for me as I used to have to lie and say I got this or that present as classmates would ask each other what gifts each had received and teachers would ask us to tell the class about our christmas. I vowed to never let my children to go through that kind of trauma that I had experienced growing up. Even though my wife came from a similar Sikh background growing up in Canada where her family had never celebrated christmas either, when we had our kids, we started the tradition of putting up and decorating a tree and giving the children gifts. That tradition has now spread throughout our family and now all the young kids get presents, but not the adults.
7: Sanmeet Kaur (Brampton, Ontario, Canada), December 09, 2009, 11:58 PM.
Personally, I am more than happy to celebrate. Whether it's Christmas lunch or chocolate modaks distributed during Ganesh Chaturvarti, Navratri dandiya/ garba dances or colourful Holi celebrations. Just because it's not your party doesn't mean you can't join in the fun. It is a rare guest that usurps his host's party. Spiritual growth is hardly accentuated with the denial of festivity. We have every reason to celebrate and live in Chardi Kalaa. A friend of mine gifted my two-and-a-half -year old daughter a pint-sized tree and she wisely pointed out that it was okay as long there was enough room for the gift and lots of candy that Santa was getting her. Even the most devout Christian will tell you that Christmas morning is about the merry packages and little else. I'm hoping to find a box of chocolates for me. We attach so much meaning to a simple birthday as far as Gurparabs are concerned - our children will take their cues from us. Through us they will figure out which celebrations hold a deeper meaning and more feeling versus those which are simply fun. When we were kids, Gurparabs were all about new clothes, saakhis, poems, pinnnis and jalebis in hot milk during Janam Vela. I know some parents feel iffy about 'bribing' their kids but it's a start. Baba Farid ji's mother left him a date by his pillow-side and told him when he prayed that God had rewarded him. I can only try and hope that after some point these 'bribes' will become happy memories that will add to my daughter's celebrations, so that a joyous heart and happy mind may accompany a grateful soul. Meanwhile my little one will tell you that on Babaji's birthday, He has lots and lots of Parshaad at the Gurudwara b'coz He knows I'm coming (to wish Him). In a new pink suit, of course!
8: Jasmeet Singh (United Kingdom), December 10, 2009, 3:26 PM.
Christmas in the West is no different than Diwali in India. The ruckus around it has stripped away all religious connotations from it. Both are mere reasons for endless parties. No harm in joining them, while refraining from their Christian/ Hindu components.
9: P. Singh (Canada), December 11, 2009, 2:58 AM.
In what might be considered 'progressive' North American cities, it was only a relative short time ago that my parents had to deal with the arrogance of Christmas that told them they were not right, they were forced to struggle as to how to deal with their children being judged. Now this has somehow wonderfully become a "holiday for all". It was part of the 'lord's prayer', part of being judged and considered lost and not yet having 'found the way'. It was part of the everyday pressure to remove the dastaar. The face is different today as a largely 'non-religious holiday', however it remains arrogant in its 'holiday for all' stance. The dominant culture that celebrates it does not even recognize its own arrogance. The analogy I think of is Punjabi men like me who are so arrogant we don't recognize our unfair privilege as males, precisely because it is a privilege. I think many of us just give in to Christmas; it remains emotionally too difficult to not join the club. I wholeheartedly wish Merry Christmas to friends who celebrate it in their private lives. However, I don't care for schools and other public institutions (including large corporations who have public duties) slowly going from the decade ago advance of 'respecting others' to today's 'respecting others as well as ourselves', with a disproportional emphasis on 'our(christmas)selves' in December. I am so grateful for the strength of my parents and their extreme wisdom. One year they actually purchased a small Christmas tree as we, the kids, insisted. It was rather anti-climactic. I found out years later that they did it to give us perspective. With our children, we face the same struggle with the December onslaught in school and in public. We try our best to teach them to respect and celebrate Christmas for those it has a special meaning. We also don't hesitate to, in an age-appropriate manner, discuss today's Christmas colonialism. And we make sure they get unwrapped gifts. We tell them it is not for Christmas but because we don't want them to feel left out when the other kids are getting gifts. They understand, smile and still feel the gift after the toy is abandoned. Thank you! to my parents and to those of their generation who migrated and struggled in much more difficult ways with identity so we that could have it a bit easier. To any Christian friends reading this, a very special "Merry Christmas" to you. To others who celebrate it as a tradition, just as special a "Merry Christmas" to you. To others adopting the so called cultural holiday, if you agree to study history, I'll agree to see a psychologist.
10: Kiran (Canada), December 13, 2009, 9:23 PM.
Perhaps I am being a little too idealistic and ignoring current cultural practices but I have always seen Christmas as a Christian celebration. I was raised in a family where, aside from small half-hour birthdays, we didn't really celebrate much of anything. I'm 23 now and I can't say that I feel like I missed out on very much, but that could have more to do with my introverted nature. As a child, we did receive Christmas presents but we always went out shopping together and buying gifts was thought of more as an opportunity to take advantage of the sales. The tradition soon faded as we got older and by the time I was in high school, I began to wonder what all the fuss was about. Christmas celebrates the birth of Jesus Christ - it's like Sikhs celebrating the birth of Guru Nanak, the start of something wonderful, a bright point in history. Contributing to the commercialized Santafied Christmas is, in my opinion, taking away from the true meaning here. It's helping to divorce Christmas from Christ. What I also find interesting is that the "to celebrate or not to celebrate" question is something that doesn't seem to trouble all non-Christian cultures. I have Muslim friends who do not celebrate Christmas at all and when asked why, they simply state that they are not Christian. Seems simple enough. I'm not saying that all Muslim families boycott Christmas and all other faiths go along with it, but it does seem that some people are more confident with having their own traditions. Raising children in today's environment of political correctness and cultural pressures is difficult - it always is and always will be - but are we really taking a blow to our cheery livelihood by leaving Christmas dinner off the menu?
11: Dr..Karnail Singh (Bidston, Wirral, Merseyside, U.K.), December 14, 2009, 9:26 AM.
All members of our extended (and extensive) family and friends really enjoy Christmas festivities including putting up a Christmas tree, having a traditional X-mas dinner, with turkey and all the trimmings, giving and receiving of presents to family and friends and the exchange of cards for X-mas and the new year. The children (and even some adults) have X-mas stockings and look forwards to a visit from Santa Claus. The immediate world around us is geared up to having a party and sharing love and friendship, so why not join in? It's the only time of the year when, for most, several days are made available from work to allow this to happen. All this is purely a cultural happening (and some pagan, e.g., the tree) - like speaking English, wearing certain clothes, eating local foods and so on, and we take care not to offend anybody with our behaviour and views. Unfortunately, for like most people today, this festivity tends not to be too strongly associated with the birth of Christ. I don't think any faith appreciates or agrees with the way their festivals have been hijacked by commercialism. But I believe the question of how to combat or protect our children against the negative impact of the increasingly materialistic driven world that we live in is something we have to redress on a daily basis - and can find valuable lessons from within our respective faiths. Ultimately, I would argue that instead of allowing commercialism to put us off celebrating important events and people within our own, and indeed other cultures and faiths, we should all rise to the challenge by finding the right balance to set an example of how perhaps they might be celebrated without loosing sight of their real importance. However, being blessed with being born in a Sikh household, I think we try and remember how we should recognize, respect and learn from the teachings of those who have had the mercy of God showered on them. We also celebrate our Punjabi festivities together with our Sikh high holidays and we invite our non-Sikh friends to join in whenever they can in the hope of fostering friendship and better mutual understanding. We hope that our example gives our children a fuller understanding of the world they find themselves in and not to harbour any prejudices and be firm in their own faith based on the teaching of the Ten Gurus and the Guru Granth Sahib. A Merry X-mas and a Happy New year, with best wishes to one and all!
12: Satinder Gill (Khanna, Punjab), December 15, 2009, 12:45 AM.
I agree with Jasmeet. Why are we trying to Indianize Christmas or Westernize Diwali. Why can't we enjoy them both in their own spirit? Isn't that something we should all be striving for as a human race?
13: Sanmeet Kaur (Brampton, Ontario, Canada), December 15, 2009, 9:08 AM.
Celebrations are personal. Some prefer them quiet, others binge. We may stay aloof or join in the festivities as long as cultural differences are recognized and respected by all. Personally, celebrating a festival that is not my own is akin to attending a friend's birthday party. All alternatives work, whether you quietly state the obvious fact that you are not Christian and so do not celebrate Christmas. Or whether you Sikhize it with a Khanda on a Christmas tree and give out Gurpurab sweets and gifts. Or just the idea of spending Christmas in the gurdwara; or adopting the tradition because you want to join in the fun, maybe simply for the kids' sake. What's heartening is that we have all seemed to manage this merry onslaught with an open heart and a clear mind, and last but not least - a generous dash of humour. And we share and learn. I just love I.J. Singh ji's tree with 'markers of all religions', it does capture the realistic version of the Christmas spirit as it is popularly celebrated in this day and age! Naturally a lot is about the kids. We don't want them to be left out. Sandeep, your story was deeply touching. It's wonderful how you've turned things around in your family. Truth be told, once the kids outgrow Santa, Christmas loses most of its lure for us Sikhs. By then they understand and recognize those celebrations that hold a deeper significance and are of historical influence to our present selves. The value of celebrations lies in knowing what we are celebrating; in re-learning, embracing and keeping in sight what is truly essential to us. The important thing is in our own way we continue to manifest Sikhi in our personal lives and our children and grandchildren imbibe and renew the universal (Khalas - true and pure) spirit, in all we do all year around.
14: I.J. Singh (New York, U.S.A.), December 15, 2009, 8:52 PM.
CONCLUDING WRAP-UP: Readers have ably showcased the issue of Christmas and some other practices like Divali and the role they play in our lives even though these days that are not central to the Sikh way of life. Truly we have adopted some practices as is and modified others to become somewhat consistent with our own view and tradition. A great and informative discussion. What still remains is more fundamental: Such practices (and beliefs as well) from the dominant cultural reality in which we live and practice our faith as Sikhs, will continue to influence us. Perhaps they will mix unobtrusively and influence what we believe and how we express that belief. This, to me, is inevitable. Just look at our reality in India where Sikhism arose and has existed for better than half a millennium. For us now the reality is not in Punjab so much as it is in the diaspora amidst a largely Judeo-Christian society. Philosophically, how will it change how we think and how we express what we think in the idiom and culture of this society? I think this is an issue with no end but one that we have left largely unexplored in the discussion today. We will have to come back to it - of that I am certain.
15: Manbir Banwait (Fort McMurray, Alberta, Canada), December 16, 2009, 5:05 AM.
I have no issue with celebrating Christmas, whether it's with family, friends or co-workers. Some people talk about how Christmas has turned into an orgy of consumerism. If that's the case, place limits on what you buy. A little self control never hurt nobody. Christmas is a great time to spend time with your loved ones. Spending time with loved ones crosses all faiths, I'm sure. Just because you're not a Christian doesn't mean you can't/ shouldn't put up Christmas lights or a Christmas tree, or even give/ receive presents ... neither of which really have anything to do with the Christian faith anyway. So, at the end of the day, let's take part in Christmas festivities. Share the happiness with your Christian neighbours. Ain't nothing wrong with a little goodwill and a little partying. So ... Merry Christmas to all.