Images: courtesy, Tim Noble
Humour
50 Ways To Leave A Lover? Here's Two More
NEWS REPORTS
FIFTY WAYS TO LEAVE A LOVER - Song & Lyrics by Paul Simon
The problem is all inside your head, she said to me
The answer is easy if you take it logically
I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
She said it's really not my habit to intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning won't be lost or misconstrued
But I'll repeat myself at the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover...
... She said it grieves me so to see you in such pain
I wish there was something I could do to make you smile again
I said I appreciate that and would you please explain
About the fifty ways
She said why don't we both just sleep on it tonight
And I believe in the morning you'll begin to see the light
And then she kissed me and I realized she probably was right
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover
[Paul Simon]
# 51 PUT HER ON A TERRORIST-WATCH LIST
An immigration officer put his own wife on a terrorist watch list - so she could not get home from a trip to Pakistan.
The officer was so sick of his spouse that when she was visiting family overseas, he added her name to the register of people banned from flights into the U.K.
When she went to the airport to get her return flight back, officials told her she could not board the plane and did not explain why.
She called her husband, who promised to look into it - but left her stuck in Pakistan for THREE YEARS.
He was sacked after bosses found out about his antics.
An immigration source said: "A lot of people may dislike their other halves but to do this takes it to the next level. Needless to say she was confused when she got to the airport as she had never been involved in anything criminal or terrorist related.
"She obviously thought her husband, being an immigration officer, would be able to find out what was going on. Little did she know it was him who had put her on the list. By all accounts he then had the time of his life."
The officer worked with a unit that puts terror and criminal suspects on the watch list of people "not conducive to the public good". He simply had to log on to a computer database to add his wife as a potential suspect.
The officer was caught out when bosses vetted him after he went for a promotion that required him to have a higher level of security clearance. They realised his wife was on the watch list and asked him for an explanation.
He had no choice but to confess what he had done - and was fired.
The immigration source added: "He may have lost his job but he is bit of a legend in immigration circles. It will be talked about for years as the officer who hated his wife so much he put her on a watch list."
# 52 HAVE HIM DECLARED DEAD
After a 12-year legal battle, a retired Indian Air Force (IAF) officer is finally a happy man - because the court has ruled that he is not dead and he must get his pension!
Sital Singh Bagi, a former IAF warrant officer, was ironically battling a verdict based on a petition filed by his wife, Naseed Kaur, that he was dead.
Additional Civil Judge Gopal Arora ruled that Bagi was very much alive and asked the IAF to pay him his pension. The copy of the verdict, which came last week, was made public Thursday, February 24, 2011.
Sital, in his early 70s, moved a court here in August 1999 against a 1996 decision declaring him dead. The court declared him dead on the basis of a petition filed by Naseed Kaur.
Sital retired from the IAF in September 1986. He went into hiding in 1987 following threats from some undisclosed groups.
Between 1987 and 1998, he kept moving from one place to another and did not contact his family, which lived in their ancestral home in Patiala.
All these years Naseed was getting family pension after she submitted a court certificate with IAF, stating that her husband was dead.
When Sital returned home in 1998, his wife and children refused to recognise him. When he approached the IAF, he found his wife had submitted his death certificate.
'I am very happy. Though the trial lasted long, I am happy that truth has prevailed,' said an elated Sital.
[Courtesy: Mirror (Justin Penrose), SIFY]
February 26, 2011
Conversation about this article
1: Sangat Singh (Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia), February 28, 2011, 6:45 AM.
I suppose this could obliquely fit in this category: Mothers & daughters-in-law! A group of young women decided to arrange for a camp with their mothers-in-law to hopefully get to know and understand each other better, seeing relations between them were very sour. They hired two buses, one for the mothers-in-law and the other for the daughters-in-law, to take them to the camp. Unfortunately, the bus with the mothers-in-law was involved in an accident and all the passengers died on the spot. The daughters in law shed a few tears but they were all puzzled by one of them who continued to wail uncontrollably. Her friend asked her, "Forgive me for asking but why are you crying so much. I didn't realize that you were so close to your mother-in-law and loved her so much?" To which she replied, "No, we were not close at all. I am crying because she missed the bus!" Or, there was this argument between another couple. During the usual argument, said the wife: "You don't love my relatives!" He replied" "But, I do, I love your mother-in-law!"