Kids Corner

Above: A policeman guards the booth from other Israeli diplomats. Below: People waiting in an "Indian" queue, eagerly waiting for their turn with the immigration officer.







The world we live in is so full of mysteries.

I’ve got up this morning into, it appears, the Twilight Zone. Who knows where we are headed, where we’ll end up …

Quebec goes to the polls today, its Parti Quebecois -- under the fearless leadership of a secular racist, Pauline Marois -- who wants to ban, inter alia, all public expressions of religion and spirituality in its Public Service.

Why? Because, apparently, it offends the huge Christian crosses that hang over their heads all over the town!

India too is off to the polls today, and the lemmings will stand in the Indian version of a queue for the next month or so -- to elect a bunch of extreme right-wing, violent Hindu fundamentalist kooks to power. The rape and plunder mega-industry can henceforth be ratched up even more, this time with the blanket blessing of Hindutva.

In another corner of the world, yet another ’ping’ was heard from the depths of the oceans. Which was immediately subjected to interpretations and conjectures constituting “Theory # 279” by a panel of experts who’ve been hired for, well, their expertise, in solving the month-long disappearance! Thank God we have ‘experts’!

Back here in the ‘real’ world, Christians, Jews and Muslims are up in arms because Hollywood’s latest version of the children’s fable, Noah and the Ark, is not historically accurate!

No, I’m not making up any of this, because my imagination has its limitations. Who can match fact with fiction?

But, amidst all of the fantastic scenes unfolding around the world, nothing has intrigued me more this morning than the following story reported in the ironically named journal from Calcutta, India: The Statesman.

New Delhi, India, 6 April, 2014Three Israeli diplomats were booked for slapping and thrashing an immigration official at the New Delhi International airport here, police said today.

A case under Section 186 (obstructing public servant in discharge of public functions) and 332 (voluntarily causing hurt to deter public servant from his duty) of the Indian Penal Code was registered against the three Israeli diplomats, who enjoy diplomatic immunity, said a senior police officer.

Police said immigration official Somveer was on Saturday (April 5, 2014) manhandled by the three young diplomats, who were on their way to Kathmandu, after they got angry over a delay in immigration formalities.

One of the diplomat also slapped Somveer and the entire incident was recorded on CCTV cameras installed on the premises.

Deputy Commissioner of Police IM Haider confirmed that the Israeli Embassy has been informed about the case.

I don’t know about you, but this news item has let loose a tsunami of thoughts and questions racing through my mind.

First of all, I must confess that I am not entirely without sympathy for the Israeli -er- diplomats. There’s been many an occasion when I too have harboured similar sentiments when in the presence of Indian bureaucrats, no matter whether it was in India or in one of the Indian “foreign missions” that can be found all over the world today.

But I’m a coward and merely play out my fantasies in my mind. And walk away, hoping someone else will do the needful.

But, let’s get back to New Delhi.

So, here’s what I’m thinking.

First of all, I’m curious: how did the Israelis do the deed? The thrashing, I mean.

Did they jump into the immigration official’s booth? Or did they pull him up and heave him over the counter, so as to be able to do at leisure what they had to do, without impediment?

And what did they do after they were done? Surely not run!

They must’ve pulled out their passports  and … claimed diplomatic immunity!

And what did the immigration official actually do or say to deserve his (or her) -er- thrashing? Not that that is important or relevant, considering that Indian babus cause irritation by their sheer and mere presence … their very existence!

But, were the Israelis angry and out-of-control, or were they calm and collected as they went about it?

What did the onlookers do? Join in? Cheer? Carry on with their cell-phone conversations and look the other way?

Then, I would like to know, since it wasn’t one, it wasn’t two, it was three ‘diplomats’ who did the thrashing, it couldn’t possibly have been a spontaneous or extempore act, right? Or a momentary lapse by a frustrated individual.

Surely, since it was a concerted effort, it was a pre-planned operation. The Israelis must have a policy -- a ’foreign policy’? -- for this sort of thing.

Is there a manual? Is the Mossad involved?

While we await the election results from India -- it usually takes about a month to retrieve the stolen ballot boxes, and to re-stuff them, etc -- I’m curious what the Indian government will do to retaliate against the Israelis.

I’ve heard through the grapevine -- it travels faster than the internet! -- that the barricades are being removed from around the Israeli Embassy in New Delhi. That their water supply is being cut off, right in time for the white-hot looh season! And the invitations to the mango-parties that invariable come around in May, are quietly being retracted. 

Arms purchases from Israel will be toned down too, I’m sure, especially since Russia's Putin has now once again become India’s primary supplier of weapons of mass destruction.

Another question.

Is it true that Devyani Khobragade -- remember her? The Absconding Diplomat from New York! -- had been seconded to the Indian Immigration Department, and it was she who was ….?

[What’s with these diplomats nowadays? Are we into a brave new world of ‘diplomacy’?]

And, I’m also curious: why are Indian government officials getting beaten up all over the world? Even at home. Has someone declared a free season?

But we’re getting ahead of ourselves.

First things first.

Where’s the video? I’m willing to pay top dollar for the tape because it’s got to be -- well, worth watching! I know it’s not going to be easy getting hold of it, but I know exactly how to go about acquiring it.

I’m told Toronto Mayor Rob Ford knows a guy who knows a guy who, for a small fee or favour, may be able to get his hands on a copy of the video.

Just give me a few days!

April 7, 2014

Conversation about this article

1: Jasbir Singh (Chandigarh, Punjab), June 11, 2014, 11:09 PM.

Hilarious ...

Comment on "Diplomacy"

To help us distinguish between comments submitted by individuals and those automatically entered by software robots, please complete the following.

Please note: your email address will not be shown on the site, this is for contact and follow-up purposes only. All information will be handled in accordance with our Privacy Policy. Sikhchic reserves the right to edit or remove content at any time.