Columnists
Conflicting Loyalties - Part II:
Janam Da Firangee,
Sikhi Main Mangee
FATEHPAL SINGH TARNEY
I always welcome feedback, be it pro or con, to my columns.
My most recent column on political tensions within a family was responded to by S. Baldev Singh ji from the U.K. with the observation: “Ultimately, Sikhi is about balance and consensus ...”
I certainly support this view of ideal Sikhi, but unfortunately reality is something else.
Having presided over a sangat at a time of great turmoil and stress, I can attest that ego, personality conflicts, and politics often prevail over the highest of Sikh principles … even, in a gurdwara. As among the most devout followers of any faith, there is often a discrepancy between religious ideals and actual behavior.
I recently passed a church near my summer home in Michigan with the following sign, “God is perfect; it is we humans who make misteaks (sic).”
S. Sangat Singh ji of Malaysia shared this story, which was new to me:
“The 'Patni' unfortunately drowned while the distraught husband was looking for her upstream. When questioned about his unusual futile search, he said she was always 'ulti' (contrarian) and bound to have drifted upstream.”
This reminded me of many stories in the West about husband and wife misunderstandings and animosities, such as a conversation in a very popular mobster movie in which the wife of a bad guy expressed concern about the possibility of her husband going to prison.
She cited the husband of a criminal friend of his already in jail. The husband’s retort was, “But he went to prison only to get away from his wife!”
Another issue that comes to mind, again thanks to S. Sangat Singh, is the proverbial role of mothers-in-law. It seems that in the West, it is the wife’s mother that is the problem. In the East, it is the husband’s mother.
There is a saying in the West: “Behind every successful man is a surprised mother-in-law.”
By the way, a Sardar friend of mine claims that many a young man in the diaspora wants a future wife to be an educated professional … but also to cook and clean like his mata ji.
And … timid, unlike mata ji. As well as subservient to the very same mata ji.
June 5, 2015
Conversation about this article
1: Sangat Singh (Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia), June 05, 2015, 1:55 PM.
Fatehpal Singh ji: Talking of mothers-in-law, you open a Pandora's Box. The patni's usual complaint: "You don't like my relative." "Oh! but I do, I love your mother-in-law a lot."